Often I find myself longing for human connection but willing to speak to no one. Like my heart and mind are spilling over with things to share but no one to share them with. Aren’t we all surrounded with people who love us? Don’t we all know at least one person that we trust and can confide in, for me the answer is yes. Yet, I find myself in these lonely places sometimes. The definition of lonely is affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone. The definition of alone is separate, apart, or isolated from others. One involves depressing feelings but the other does not. I’m not in lonely places because I’m alone but because I don’t have the energy or desire to reach out when I’ve been in my mind for too long. Sometimes I do and it helps and that connection is meaningful. Other times I stay in my mind alone until I fall asleep.
I’ve found that being alone is not what makes me unhappy, it’s all of the things that are attached to being alone that make me feel unhappy. Being alone means you don’t have any friends. Being alone means that no one wants to be in a romantic relationship with you. Being alone means that no one cares about you. The only thing is…..none of that is true. There are so many people who I consider friends and if I picked up my phone and told them I felt lonely or sad they would cheer me up and probably even come over to keep me company. Just because I’m alone and not in a relationship doesn’t mean that no one wants to be in a relationship with me. I just haven’t met them yet, I haven’t clicked with someone in that way yet but I’ll continue to put myself out there and meet new people. I bet the same is true for you. To believe that no one cares about you because some weekends you spend alone or you feel lonely during your week is foolish. We will all experience this feeling at some point in our lives and we will all have times where we really do walk a path all alone. I think that you are loved and cared for also but you have to open your eyes and reach out if you are in darkness or sadness. People who love you and care about you can’t read your mind so pick up your phone and send a text even if it gives you anxiety. Being vulnerable is brave and will help you realize how many others feel lonely at times too.
You know what I think is worse? To sacrifice who you are or what you want so that you never have to be alone. To lose yourself so that you never ever have to sit in your room alone on a Friday night. You know what is more painful? To be with people who make you feel alone, whether it be your friends or romantic partner. The deepest pain and most hurtful wounds I have seen in the people I love are when they are in a relationship and yet they feel so completely alone and sad. How could you accept a relationship that brings you such heavy loneliness. Walk away from it bravely. There are so many souls filled with light and who are altruistic, be one of those souls so that you can be with one of those souls. Loneliness is found in negativity. It’s found in self hatred. It’s found in someone who never wants to see you do better than them or be happier than them. It’s found in friends who put you down. It’s found in a jealous and controlling girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s found in a partner who expects you to make them feel happy and loved and yet they have nothing to give to you and are willing to offer none of what they expect. Walk away, being alone isn’t dark and sad. Feeling lonely is.