In order to stop falling for the wrong guy, you have to stop being the wrong girl. I’m not talking about all the mean crap that your abusive boyfriend/ex has said to you. I’m not talking about the lies, like you’re too needy or sensitive or not trusting enough or not good enough. No. I’m not another person here to tell you why you don’t measure up and why you don’t deserve love or why it’s your fault you keep getting hurt over and over again. It is not your fault that people mistreat you or are abusive but guess what you are a part of the problem. Let me repeat that. It’s not your fault that you are being mistreated, used, or abused but you are a part of the problem. How so? Isn’t it all their fault that they are awful to you!? Well, of course, all the responsibility of their choices falls on their shoulders but there still is that one tiny problem you so willingly look over. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHOICES.
Let me be clear. You are responsible for letting people treat you poorly. It’s not your fault that they treat you bad but it is your fault for sticking around. It’s your fault for making excuses for them. It’s your fault for accepting way less than you deserve. It’s your fault for not believing that you deserve better. Now look, I’m not trying to make you feel crappy or guilty however I am being completely honest. If you want to stop falling for the wrong guy you have to stop being the wrong girl. You have to let go of the girl that thinks it’s normal to be hurt over and over again. You have to let go of the girl that thinks it’s okay to let someone mistreat you because well maybe that’s the only person that is willing to be in a relationship with you. You have to let go of the girl that gives her heart to people that have no respect or desire to honor and cherish it.
This is what I mean. It’s not that you’re the wrong girl because you aren’t good enough. It’s just that you are the wrong girl because you are so much more than what you are currently accepting and being. You are so much more than the negative stuff that you tell yourself. You deserve so much more than just the bare minimum that someone selfishly offers you without a second thought to your wants and needs. You want to know why people come out of the worst and create the best? Because they choose it.
Understanding why you’ve made this pattern will help you make a real change in your life. Why do you choose people that mistreat you? Why do you stay with people that mistreat you? You are not a victim of your love life. It’s not some random thing that keeps happening to you. It’s a pattern and you can either choose to see the pattern or keep ignoring it and pretend that it’s always all the other person’s fault that you keep ending up in the exact same situation and relationship. You can pretend that there’s no hope and you should just give up because all guys are exactly the same but that’s not true and you know it. There are two common factors to your pattern, YOU, and someone who mistreats you. The only thing is the other person keeps changing but you don’t. You choose another person hoping it will be different this time but you, in fact, are no different. Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result make a different choice. So quit going from relationship to relationship hoping that it will be different this time because guess what you are getting the same result every damn time; a guy who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
This time you can choose to work on yourself and heal yourself. This time you can start being self-aware and consciously choose yourself for the first time in your life. Choose your wants and your needs rather than expecting some dude to choose them for you. No man will make you happy. You have to choose your happiness and then find someone who wants to enjoy it with you. Here are some words by Jeffrey R. Holland that I added to, to get my point across, “This is the only way you can stop choosing someone who belittles you, who is critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without having the person who is supposed to love you lead the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person’s care, you deserve to feel peace, physically safe and emotionally secure.” Do you really believe that though? Do you believe that in the presence of your significant other you deserve to feel peace, physically safe, and emotionally secure?
Book suggestion number 1: If you don’t even think that’s a possibility for you then I would start by reading “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. It’s an international bestseller and it has only been sold over 50 million times so you know maybe at least one thing in there will help you. She’ll help you realize your own self worth and begin to understand self-acceptance. Two very important things when it comes to falling for the right guy. You will learn how to love yourself so that you’ll accept real love from others. This book is very beneficial to women who want to become the “right” girl. It’s for women who want healing, growth, and want to learn how to treat themselves right.
Book suggestion number 2: Once you have read “You Can Heal Your Life” and have taken the time to get to know yourself and love yourself I would suggest reading “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk” by McGraw-Hill. On the cover of the book, it says “The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind.” Don’t we all want to follow our heart without losing our mind when we fall in love? He’ll help you identify the behaviors of a jerk and what constitutes a jerk haha! I love his writing style and the way he breaks things down in dating/falling in love is easy to understand if you want to understand. He gives you basic knowledge in a lot of different areas, he’ll bring things to light that you didn’t even know were in the dark your whole life! Give it a try and apply his principles the best you can in your own life.
Final thoughts: Your love life and happiness is in your own hands. It’s not up to anyone else and you certainly should not give someone that much power. If you want to fall for the right guy then be the right girl, you deserve it.