Good Times

There are times in life where things are really hard. I mean really hard. Like everything seems to be falling apart or one bad thing happens after another. These times can be discouraging and filled with sorrow. I think we all know how it feels to be kicked by life when we are already down. I find it more bearable during these less fun times if I soak in the times where everything doesn’t seem as bad as it is. Like when everything is awful but a friend randomly checks in on you and it makes you smile. Or when you get to stand on the beach and listen to the waves even though you live in Arizona. Or when you just laugh your head off for at least an hour with an old friend or close family member. Or when you watch the people you’re with walk ahead of you at some ice cream shop you left or wherever and you are so happy to be there and so happy they are a part of your life. During tough times hold onto these moments. Soak them in and don’t forget the wonderful times among one of the most difficult times. You will always make it through these rough times with grace, true learning, and a smile if you take the time to do this.

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Detaching Takes Time

Detaching from someone you love can be very painful. It takes time and it really is a learning process. Detaching from someone doesn’t mean that you don’t love them anymore. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them anymore but it does mean that you love yourself enough to walk away. Walk away from their toxic behavior. Walk away from them hurting you over and over again. Walk away from the pain that they so easily cause you without the ability or willingness to take responsibility for it. You have to love yourself to successfully do this. What do you like about yourself? What strengths do you have? What kind of person are you? If you’re here reading this I assume that you are a very empathetic and kind person. I assume that you are loving and deserve the world. You deserve all of the love and compassion that you give so freely even to people who hurt you and have nothing to offer you. Believe my words. Hold onto those words and walk away from that toxic person with a grace and sorrow that most people can’t understand. I understand it though, in a way because I’ve done it.

Read self affirmations everyday until you believe them.  There’s a book called The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series  and it is filled with affirmations that will help you heal and create emotional resistance for yourself. I’m reading it right now and it’s very powerful! You can buy it on amazon for $12, just click on the title of it here The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series). (You can even get it on your kindle!) I’m telling you this book will make a real difference in your life so just give it a read. Create boundaries with this person. You can’t fix them. You can’t do their emotional work for them. You are not responsible for their healing or decisions. It’s ok to say no to them. You don’t have to anticipate their needs. You are enough and you are responsible for your own happiness, that’s all. Forgive this person and yourself and eventually, you will be able to give love without receiving it from them. The truth is you will become a strong and healthy person. You will be capable of loving yourself and taking care of yourself so you won’t need someone else to do that. You won’t have to sacrifice your emotional or mental health so that you can feel loved by them or anyone else. No one can make you love yourself or appreciate yourself, you are the only that can do that. Don’t focus on the fact that they abused the love and goodness you offered them. Focus on the fact that you have the ability to love and be kind even when you are broken and being mistreated but now you want more for yourself. You realize there is more for you and you hope that they realize that one day too. For now you walk away, you love yourself, you forgive, and you keep a big distance from them. Don’t confide in this person anymore. Don’t express your love openly and consistently. Don’t trust them with your feelings and hard times. Don’t be vulnerable with them. It’s not out of bitterness or hate it is out of self respect. If you’re here reading this know that doing any of those things you wish you could desperately do with this person are completely dangerous if you want to detach and heal. It will stop your progress and make you take steps backwards. You can do it though. I believe in you and so does everyone else that loves you more than they hurt you.

Broken Minds

              Have you ever broken a bone or had some kind of serious injury and just continued about your day? Did you act like it would just go away and that the pain wasn’t that big of a deal? Did you try to ignore it and continue living like nothing was wrong? Yeah, me neither. Doesn’t that sound completely ridiculous? To break your arm and not go to the hospital! Well it’s the same thing with mental health. A lot of us know what it feels like to have a broken mind. A lot of us have experienced anxiety, depression, and many other issues that break our minds and hearts.We all have emotional wounds and trauma that cause us pain daily. The definition of trauma is experiences that have caused us psychological injury or pain. Do we not all have at least one experience that has caused us psychological injury or pain? How can we say that we haven’t? How can we say that it’s weird or we are a little crazy to acknowledge and take care of the damage left behind because of those experiences? For some this pain is like a sprained ankle and for others it’s like a broken femur.

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             How do we think we can ignore these wounds and continue on happily in our lives? Do you know the damage you would cause your body if you just chilled while your broken leg tried to heal itself? Would you die? No. The way you would walk and the pain you would feel each day would be different forever. So why in the world do we think we can just deal with our trauma and emotional wounds by just continuing on with our lives. Just move forward  and act like nothing is wrong. Will we die? No. Will our decisions and actions be affected negatively by the wounds we never tended to? Yes. On top of that, our ability to be happy and to experience daily joy will be decreased. There is healing and personal growth in therapy and healthy coping mechanisms. I would start by learning a little about a type of therapy called EMDR. Read my previous post “Broken Heart” if you want a simple explanation of it. I would also suggest looking at boundaries and positive affirmations . Even researching healthy coping mechanisms into google is a start to understanding and eventually healing. You are worth it and you deserve to feel the healing of your mind and heart!

Lonely

Often I find myself longing for human connection but willing to speak to no one. Like my heart and mind are spilling over with things to share but no one to share them with. Aren’t we all surrounded with people who love us? Don’t we all know at least one person that we trust and can confide in, for me the answer is yes. Yet, I find myself in these lonely places sometimes. The definition of lonely is affected with, characterized by, or causing depressing feeling of being alone. The definition of alone is separate, apart, or isolated from others. One involves depressing feelings but the other does not. I’m not in lonely places because I’m alone but because I don’t have the energy or desire to reach out when I’ve been in my mind for too long. Sometimes I do and it helps and that connection is meaningful. Other times I stay in my mind alone until I fall asleep.

I’ve found that being alone is not what makes me unhappy, it’s all of the things that are attached to being alone that make me feel unhappy. Being alone means you don’t have any friends. Being alone means that no one wants to be in a romantic relationship with you. Being alone means that no one cares about you. The only thing is…..none of that is true. There are so many people who I consider friends and if I picked up my phone and told them I felt lonely or sad they would cheer me up and probably even come over to keep me company. Just because I’m alone and not in a relationship doesn’t mean that no one wants to be in a relationship with me. I just haven’t met them yet, I haven’t clicked with someone in that way yet but I’ll continue to put myself out there and meet new people. I bet the same is true for you. To believe that no one cares about you because some weekends you spend alone or you feel lonely during your week is foolish. We will all experience this feeling at some point in our lives and we will all have times where we really do walk a path all alone. I think that you are loved and cared for also but you have to open your eyes and reach out if you are in darkness or sadness. People who love you and care about you can’t read your mind so pick up your phone and send a text even if it gives you anxiety. Being vulnerable is brave and will help you realize how many others feel lonely at times too.

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You know what I think is worse? To sacrifice who you are or what you want so that you never have to be alone. To lose yourself so that you never ever have to sit in your room alone on a Friday night. You know what is more painful? To be with people who make you feel alone, whether it be your friends or romantic partner. The deepest pain and most hurtful wounds I have seen in the people I love are when they are in a relationship and yet they feel so completely alone and sad. How could you accept a relationship that brings you such heavy loneliness. Walk away from it bravely. There are so many souls filled with light and who are altruistic, be one of those souls so that you can be with one of those souls. Loneliness is found in negativity. It’s found in self hatred. It’s found in someone who never wants to see you do better than them or be happier than them. It’s found in friends who put you down. It’s found in a jealous and controlling girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s found in a partner who expects you to make them feel happy and loved and yet they have nothing to give to you and are willing to offer none of what they expect. Walk away, being alone isn’t dark and sad. Feeling lonely is. 

Prince of Peace

I wrote this poem when I was in the depths of despair. When I felt like my depression would never end but the love of Jesus Christ gave me a glimmer of hope.

I feel the warm touch of the Savior and the heavenly comfort of my father in heaven

While I stand on my own it’s ok because I know Christ walks beside me

As my heart shatters once again

I know it will be made whole soon through him

As sorrow brings me to the depths of loneliness and pain I know I’ll be sane someday because of him

Sometimes skies are grey but I can be brave

We are so resilient for today and everyday

There are trials and we don’t get a say

There are people and situations that bring us to our knees

Begging please for it to stop and to all go away

Then I remember my Savior

His goodness and love fills my being

I’m believing what I am not seeing

I will conquer the dark days with my Redeemer

My brother will take me by the hand and guide me through the storm

He lifts me on the days I wish I was never born

Step by step and tear after tear he is always near

When you feel you can’t go on remember remember a redeemed soul song

I know that my redeemer lives

Reach out to him and he will embrace you

You are his to care for

This trial will not be that long

Come unto me and see, for I am with thee

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To Love

There is no pain in love. Have you ever heard of a child being in pain or sorrow because their mother picked them up, held them in sweet affection, and loved them. Have you ever heard of a brother or sister suffering because their sibling showed their love by rooting for them and celebrated with them when they made their goal? Have you ever seen a grandmother pick up her new born grand child and hold them with such tender care?  Have you seen that pure and deep flowing love? There is no pain in love. There is pain from life. Pain from disappointment. Pain from the mistakes of others. Pain from regret and guilt. There are deep wounds from trauma and abuse. Tears from heart break and unexpected events but there is no pain in love. You see love is a very powerful thing but it should not cause you or someone else pain or sorrow. Perhaps your love for someone would cause you to suffer with them but not to suffer for them or because of them. You see once you suffer for someone it’s no longer out of love it’s out of a desperate act to save them. Yet, none of us can save the people we love , all we can do is love them. So if your love is causing you or someone else pain please revaluate what is happening because it isn’t love, it’s survival, desperation, or maybe even dysfunction. We cannot sacrifice ourselves for the people we love, someone already did that for each and every single person who has lived on this earth, presently living, and not yet born.

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Swirling Thoughts

I find my self thinking a lot, thinking a lot

Like a clock that rhythmically ticks

Tick tock, tick tock

Memories and emotions spinning round and round

Waves of sadness and sometimes anger

But it’s just because I’m thinking a lot, thinking a lot

Random thoughts pop inside my head sometimes and I’ll laugh out loud, surprising the

people around me who cannot read my mind

Happy things visit some days too and I smile because of them

Dreams spin in my mind and motivate me to work harder

Darkness coats my thoughts other days and I feel like a stormy day or some kind of bad

weather

What we don’t realize is that everyone experiences the ups and downs of life

In their mind there is darkness and light too

Whether or not you share what’s inside of you doesn’t mean that the previously stated

observation isn’t true

For the ones who share and care and lift are angels of this life

But anyways I’m just thinking a lot again, thinking a lotswirling-thoughts

Forgiveness

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          I realized something last week. I can go over situations and bad things that have happened to me over and over in my head. I can sit there and think of how someone hurt me or wronged me almost all day. I’ll cry as I remember the hurt and don’t understand why it happened or why they treated me a certain way. I’ll think of what I did wrong and how I could have fixed it. Once I realize my mistakes I try to better myself. I try to find healing for the hurt and growth from my mistakes.                                        Here’s the problem though even after all of that healing and growth I can still sit there and go over the situations in my head over and over again. Trying to understand how someone could be so hurtful. I’ll think of things I wish I would have known and wish I would have said. I’ll imagine myself standing up for myself instead of shrinking and taking all of the blame. I’ll think of ways that justice would have been served for me or revenge that I can get, hoping I’ll feel better, or maybe they will feel just as bad as I did. I finally realized and accepted something last week. You can not move forward or be completely healed until you forgive.                                                                                                       Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know before you lived it. Forgive yourself for letting people treat you poorly. Forgive yourself for accepting pain, hurt, and abuse that you did not deserve. That part is hard but it’s harder to look at the person who hurt you and forgive them. Forgive them for being unkind. For causing you pain. For not seeing your worth and goodness you had to offer. Forgive them for not loving themselves and for rejecting your pure intentions and unconditional love. For someone to reject that, they must be hurting deeply on the inside. With this person I will never receive an apology. They will never acknowledge the pain that they caused me and be sorry for it but I still forgive them.                                                                                                                                I like the quote at the beginning of this, “In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.” This is not just a quote that I like, this is a quote that pierces my heart. I know that forgiving completely and loving unconditionally is possible because of Jesus Christ. This past year my heart and soul have been healed by him but last week I was finally able to forgive someone through him. He is the perfect example of forgiveness and love. After being crucified, abused, betrayed, and mocked while hanging on the cross he said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” I realized that forgiveness is the ultimate act of love because Christ forgives us through his pure and unconditional love. I want to be like that. I want to be like him. As I prayed to be able to forgive this person I was filled with peace and love. I am no longer filled with anxiety, hurt, or confusion. It’s freeing. Forgiveness is not accepting bad behavior and sometimes it means you can’t trust another person again, it means that you can let go of all the negativity and move on. It means that even if the person who hurt you never takes responsibility you will be ok and be able to move forward with peace in your heart. It means that you can be happy and freed from the negative tie to that abusive person. It means that you will blossom as you love yourself instead of doubting who you are because of the mistreatment you received. The way someone treats you says a lot more about them than it does about you. Walk away with confidence in your being and complete forgiveness in your heart and you will live a happier life. Forgiveness quotes

 

She Is Gone But She Used To Be Mine

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Lots of changes happened this past year. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago and it is all for the better. I am stronger and I love myself more. I don’t seek approval and validation from others because I give that to myself. I’m doing well in school and I feel excited about life. I feel excited to meet my goals and to connect to others. I’m excited to make new friends and learn new lessons but still there is the old part of me that doesn’t think anything good will happen and if it does it won’t last long. This is the part of me that makes me stay up all night thinking or stress so much that my back muscles turn into knots. This is the part of me that encourages my anxiety and into thoughts that will drag me into sadness. The thing is I don’t want to feed that part of me anymore and so I fight her. The old me really can just leave me alone because she doesn’t know who I am now. She doesn’t understand what I have overcome and what my full potential is. As you fight negative thoughts about yourself you will one day reach a point where that thought process is the old you. It’s not easy and it’s a daily battle but it is worth it. You will be happy to be freed from that part of yourself and you will excel in everything you’ve ever wanted to excel in. It’s all your choice.